#rationality #cooperation #social # [[Epistemic status]] #shower-thought # Related - [[Biology/Sex]] - [[Possession]] - [[Dependency]] - [[Attachment]] # Relationships >DYSFUNCTION 2: FEAR OF CONFLICT All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict in order to grow. This is true in marriage, parenthood, friendship, and certainly business. >~ [[Patrick Lencioni - The Five Dysfunctions of a Team - A Leadership Fable]] >You discover yourself, not in isolation, not in withdrawal, but in relationship—in relationship to society, to your wife, your husband, your brother, to man; but to discover how you react, what your responses are, requires an extraordinary alertness of mind, a keenness of perception. >~ [[Krishnamurti|Jiddu Krishnamurti]]  >Relationship based on mutual need brings only conflict. However interdependent we are on each other, we are using each other for a purpose, for an end. With an end in view, relationship is not. You may use me and I may use you. In this usage, we lose contact. A society based on mutual usage is the foundation of violence. When we use another, we have only the picture of the end to be gained. The end, the gain, prevents relationship, communion. In the usage of another, however gratifying and comforting it may be, there is always fear. To avoid this fear, we must possess. From this possession there arises envy, suspicion, and constant conflict. Such a relationship can never bring about happiness. >~ [[Krishnamurti|Jiddu Krishnamurti]] ![[Pasted image 20220621085719.png]]  >The more you understand disorder in relationship, the greater the order. So we have to find out what is our relationship with each other. >~ [[Krishnamurti|Jiddu Krishnamurti]]   >We have to conclude that all the feelings of **sympathy, friendship, trust and so forth which we expend in life are genetically connected with sexuality and have developed out of purely sexual desires by an enfeebling of their sexual aim**, however pure and non-sensual they may appear in the forms they take on to our conscious self-perception. To begin with we knew none but sexual objects; psycho-analysis shows us that those persons whom in real life we merely respect or are fond of may be sexual objects to us in our unconscious minds still. >~ [[Ernest Becker]]  ![[DALL·E 2022-07-11 08.24.20 - A group of friends sensually close, gazing at each other, during a sunny day, painting by Van Gogh.png]] >Attachment gives a certain occupation to the mind; you constantly think about something. The brain and the mind say, “I must be occupied with something”—with my god, with my sex, with my drink; “I must be occupied”— with the kitchen, or with some social order, or commune, or whatever it is. Out of this demand for occupation there is attachment, holding on to something. Why must the mind be so occupied? What would happen if it were not so occupied? Would it go astray? Would it disintegrate? Would it feel utterly naked, empty >~ [[Krishnamurti|Jiddu Krishnamurti]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-11 08.25.05 - A group of friends sensually close, gazing at each other, during a sunny day, painting by Van Gogh.png]] >Two individuals who need each other will only have conflict. They can never have a relationship >~ [[Kapil Gupta - Direct Truth - Uncompromising - Non-Prescriptive Truths to the Enduring Questions of Life]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-10 18.53.43 - A group of friends holding hands in a circle, gazing at each other, during a sunny day, painting by Van Gogh.png]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-11 08.25.45 - A group of friends sensually close, gazing at each other, during a sunny day, painting by Picasso.png]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-10 18.48.10 - A man holding his friend's head with both hands, a strong light emanating from it spreading in the space, painting by Escher.png]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-10 18.49.29 - A man holding his friend's head with both hands, a strong light emanating from it spreading in the space, painting by Van Gogh.png]] >In order to have peace in a relationship, there must be [[Freedom|freedom]]. >~ [[Kapil Gupta - Direct Truth - Uncompromising, Non-Prescriptive Truths to the Enduring Questions of Life]] ![[DALL·E 2022-07-10 18.52.28 - Two strong men gazing into each other eyes and holding hands, a sparkling light enlightening them, painting by Van Gogh.png]] >It is compromise that produces conflict. >~ [[Kapil Gupta - Direct Truth - Uncompromising, Non-Prescriptive Truths to the Enduring Questions of Life]] ![[DALL·E 2022-08-04 21.43.23 - A lovely tightly enlaced group of friends under a beautiful starry sky full of hearts, painting by Van Gogh.png]] ![[DALL·E 2022-08-06 20.50.02 - A lovely group of friends meditating in circle under a beautiful shiny sky, painting by Van Gogh.png]] ![[DALL·E 2022-08-06 20.52.30 - A lovely group of friends sitting in circle under a sparkling sun, hearts & birds flying above them, painting by Van Gogh.png]] ## [[Transference]] >It wants the human connection. That is the core of the whole transference phenomenon, and it is impossible to argue it away, because relationship to the self is at once relationship to our fellow man >~ [[Ernest Becker]]