The All-or-Nothing Marriage - Eli J. Finkel  ## Metadata - Author: **Eli J. Finkel** - Full Title: The All-or-Nothing Marriage - Category: #books ## Highlights - I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India, and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two. It was only later, after admitting this dream, that I noticed the happy coincidence that all these countries begin with the letter *I*. A fairly auspicious sign, it seemed, on a voyage of self-discovery. —Elizabeth Gilbert ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k2xympd8ersv7796p6vxnpx2)) - As marriage in America has become increasingly oriented toward higher rather than lower altitudes on Mount Maslow, it has required greater *oxygenation*—greater nurturance regarding each other’s emotional and psychological needs. If spouses expect their marriage to help them fulfill such needs but are unwilling or unable to invest the time and psychological energy (the “oxygen”) required at that altitude, the marriage is at risk for *suffocation*—for lethargy, conflict, and perhaps divorce.  Mount Maslow ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k2xzkntfjxtzxzsezqbtnjt7)) - Across an elegant series of studies, Rusbult and Drigotas found consistent support for the idea that, in like manner, romantic partners (both spouses and dating partners) can sculpt each other toward their authentic selves over time. In this metaphor, the actual self is the raw block of stone, the authentic self is the sculpture buried within it, and the partner is the sculptor. The *Michelangelo effect* refers to the process through which partners sculpt each other in ways that elicit each person’s authentic self. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k2xzxcdp8ctb4bbvx3gf0m7v)) - In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. . . . I have had experience enough to know what I say. —Abraham Lincoln ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k2y0pq25np9h2371tnq1dtym)) - When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. —George Bernard Shaw ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k2y2dsm42sr96j44m0ebx2vy))