Eight Dates - John Gottman  ## Metadata - Author: **John Gottman** - Full Title: Eight Dates - Category: #books ## Highlights - If you’ve decided to have children and you want to stay away from the bottom of the U-shaped curve, then you both need to have two main goals. 1  Both partners should work to stay involved during the pregnancy and birth of children. Both should be involved as equally as possible with the new baby, whether they are same sex or heterosexual couples. In heterosexual couples, studies show that dad’s involvement matters greatly, and the secret to keeping dad involved with the baby is a good relationship with mom. If there is low conflict and continued sex, then dad will stay involved with the baby, and the couple is more likely to maintain marital happiness. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k5v8yn28grkqdepex7k8kpe7)) - 2  The second most important thing is for the two of you to maintain intimacy and connection. You need to make your relationship a priority. If you don’t, you will fall to the bottom of the curve and not get out for 18 years, if you don’t divorce first. To maintain intimacy you need to talk to each other about your stresses, make time to connect (date nights!), and avoid defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and shutting down or withdrawing from each other. Review the chapters on conflict and sex if in doubt. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k5v8yt2gfeen0n9jad6bfb2x))