The Game - Neil Strauss
## Metadata
- Author: **Neil Strauss**
- Full Title: The Game
- Category: #books
## Highlights
- **MEN WEREN’T REALLY THE ENEMY—**
**THEY WERE FELLOW VICTIMS**
**SUFFERING FROM AN OUTMODED**
**MASCULINE MYSTIQUE THAT MADE**
**THEM FEEL UNNECESSARILY**
**INADEQUATE WHEN THERE WERE**
**NO BEARS TO KILL.**
—**BETTY FRIEDAN**
***The Feminine Mystique*** ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0r277t9v287wm40aadk8dbx))
- **THE FIRST PROBLEM FOR ALL OF US,**
**MEN AND WOMEN, IS NOT TO LEARN**
**BUT TO UNLEARN.**
**—GLORIA STEINEM**,
***commencement speech, Vassar College*** ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0r3e995fh18ntek1wmy1g2e))
- After approaching the group, he continued, the key is to ignore the woman you desire while winning over her friends—especially the men and anyone else likely to cockblock. If the target is attractive and used to men fawning all over her, the pickup artist must intrigue her by pretending to be unaffected by her charm. This is accomplished through the use of what he called a neg. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0r4eza3f21jjt8kp024kzd0))
- Neither compliment nor insult, a neg is something in between—an accidental insult or backhanded compliment. The purpose of a neg is to lower a woman’s self esteem while actively displaying a lack of interest in her—by telling her she has lipstick on her teeth, for example, or offering her a piece of gum after she speaks. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0r4fr4qh72amxwyrh9cwega))
- “The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0r4hpbsgkh2htk1dpb0s9m7))
- So I went to the source and bought books by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the University of California professors who developed and popularized this fringe school of hypnopsychology in the 1970s. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0s4eza7067vvc7h13nvzdfh))
- “There’s a way,” I told her, “that you can bring better focus to your goals and your life.” I felt like Grimble in T.G.I. Friday’s.
“What is that?” she asked.
“It’s a visualization exercise. A friend taught it to me. I don’t know it by heart, but I can read it to you.”
She wanted to hear it.
“Good.” I said, as I unfolded the paper with the pattern on it and began reading. “Maybe you can try to remember the last time you felt happiness or pleasure. As you feel it now, where in your body are those feelings?”
She pointed to the center of her chest.
“And how good does it feel on a scale of one to ten?”
“Seven.”
“Okay, now, as you focus in on this feeling right here, notice that you can begin now to see a color flowing from this feeling. What is the color?”
“Purple,” she said, as she closed her eyes.
“Good, now what would it be like if you were to allow all of the purple flowing from that spot to fill with warmth and intensity? With each breath that you take, I want you to let the purple grow just a little bit brighter.”
Her body began to relax; I could see her chest rise and fall through her sweater. I was doing it now—evoking a response like the one I had seen Ross Jeffries get at California Pizza Kitchen. I continued with the pattern more confidently, making the color expand and grow in intensity inside her as she fell deeper into trance. I imagined Twotimer mouthing the word *evil* in the background.
“How do you feel now, on a scale of one to ten?” I asked.
“Ten,” she said. I guess it was working.
Then I had her shrink the color to a tiny purple pea that contained all the power and intensity of the pleasure she was feeling. I had her place the imaginary pea in my hand. Then I traced my hand all along her body, first at a distance and then lightly touching it.
“Notice how my touch can become like a paintbrush, transferring those colors and that sensation up your wrist, through your arm, and to the surface of the face.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0swd5mj3tgk9sb7pn702s6y))
- According to Mystery, it takes roughly seven hours for a woman to be comfortably led from meet to sex. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0swchza46pyva406ggjfn3z))
- Waiting seven hours or more is what Mystery calls solid game. But occasionally a woman either goes out with the specific intention of taking someone home, or can be easily led to sex in a shorter amount of time. Mystery calls this fool’s mate. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0swexbnjqx6p6347eza6wp5))
- there is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0syg9913pjnns28aankx0g8))
- The PUAs have a name for this: They call it one-itis. It’s a disease AFCs get: They become obsessed with a girl they’re neither dating nor sleeping with, and then start acting so needy and nervous around her that they end up driving her away. The cure for one-itis, PUAs like to say, is to go out and have sex with a dozen other girls—and then see if this flower is still so special. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tszcjy47jjgymqvzzn0n27))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tt87nj6nccp9rmhvqse901))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tt915v7spp2ter6mcea8kk))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tta01sfbrqy5d59w5q3qgw))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0ttb39fs7jqxr1c1ph587r4))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0ttbnrr007dh4bqq5293kzw))
-  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tte1s5m63bp4x0be9hamsc))
- Fear seizes hold in your chest first. It clamps gently to the top of the heart, like a vice made of rubber. Then you really feel it. Your stomach churns. Your throat closes. And you swallow, desperately trying to avoid the dryness and hoping that when you open your mouth, a confident, clear voice will emerge. Even after all my training, I was terrified.
Women, by and large, are much more perceptive than men. They can instantly spot insincerity and bullshit. So a great pickup artist must either be congruent with his material—and really believe it—or be a great actor. Anyone talking to a woman while simultaneously worrying about what she thinks of him is going to fail. Anyone caught thinking about getting into a woman’s pants before she starts thinking about what’s in his pants is going to fail. And most men fall into this category. Sasha does. I do. We can’t help it: It’s our nature. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0ttyrgcdqry41cfafjp5g8c))
- Mystery calls it dynamic social homeostasis. We are constantly buffeted about by, on one hand, our overwhelming desire to have sex with a girl and, on the other, the need to protect ourselves when approaching. The reason this fear exists, he says, is because we are wired evolutionarily for a tribal existence, where everyone in the community knows when a man is rejected by a woman. He is then ostracized and his genes, as Mystery puts it, are unapologetically weeded out of existence. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0tv0zfv2104b2s7cagnzhq7))
- One of the tragedies of modern life is that women as a whole do not hold a lot of power in society, despite all the advances made in the last century. Sexual choice, however, is one of the only areas where women are indisputably in control. It’s not until they’ve made a choice, and submitted to it, that the relationship is inverted—and the man is generally back in a position of power over her. Perhaps that is why women, to the frustration of men everywhere, are so cautious about saying yes. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0v851zsmjm0ck0zw290snz4))
- And it was by watching Mystery win over Natalija that I learned this lesson.
“I just got a haircut,” he told her as they left the cafe. “I have itchy hairs on my neck. I want to take a bath. Come wash me.”
Natalija, predictably, said that seemed like a bad idea. “Oh, okay,” he told her. “I gotta get going, because I need to take a bath. Bye.”
As he walked away, her face fell. The thought that she might never see him again seemed to flash through her mind. This is what Mystery calls a false takeaway. He wasn’t really leaving; he was just letting her think he was.
Mystery took five steps—counting as he went—then turned around and said, “I’ve been living in a shitty apartment for the past week. I’m going to get a hotel room right there and take a bath.” He pointed to the Hotel Moskva down the street. “You can come with me or just get an e-mail from me in two weeks when I return to Canada.”
Natalija hesitated for a moment, then followed him.
And that’s when I realized the mistake I’d been making my whole life: to get a woman, you have to be willing to risk losing her. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0v894pwtcfr37bndvv7ck0j))
- “There are no ugly women; only lazy ones.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0yavx8mvxy09jngav16bkb6))
- When I asked her about it, she burst into tears. “I gave it up too fast,” she sobbed. “Now I’m never going to see you again.”
They were such sweet words, because they were so honest. I slid my arm under her and placed her head on my shoulder. I told her first of all that every passionate relationship I’ve ever had began passionately. It was a line I’d learned from Mystery, but I did believe it. Second, I told her that maybe she shouldn’t have, but she wanted to and needed to. It was a line I’d learned from Ross Jeffries, but I did believe it. Third, I told her that I was more mature than a lot of the people she’d been with before, so not to judge me by her past experiences. It was a line I’d learned from David X, but I did believe it. Finally, I told her that I’d be sad if I never saw her again. It wasn’t a line. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01k0yc8sf2dzz15kz4p5jr6h2s))