The 2-Hour Cocktail Party - Nick Gray  ## Metadata - Author: **Nick Gray** - Full Title: The 2-Hour Cocktail Party - Category: #books - Tags: #event #party ## Highlights - Think of a runway at an airport. It exists to give the plane time to build up speed and take off. In the context of hosting a party, the runway gives you plenty of time to invite people. Plus, advance notice makes it more likely that your guests will have an open schedule and be able to attend. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1v0zahwbx303cetm79jb35)) - I always avoid Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights because I don’t want to risk schedule conflicts for my guests. Sunday tends to be a family or rest day, so I skip that day too. And steer clear of long weekends and holidays. All of these are what I call “heavyweight” days. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1v9tzx4f4n6kgc4be647h4)) - Do not position this as a dinner party. Dinner parties are too hard for new hosts to manage. They take a lot of work. You must finely curate the guest list, order lots of supplies, cook the food, lead the entire conversation, and entertain longer. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1vf88ssdaxf22sgfr1b2jf)) - I hosted dozens of dinner parties in my quest to find the perfect formula to build relationships. But I stopped doing them when I realized that cocktail parties are so much easier to master. Cocktail parties will give you the same or even better relationship-building results than dinner parties because you can do them more often and you can invite more people. The impact is the same and the conversations are often livelier. Keep it simple and don’t do dinner. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1vg8rayx52erx3dszqq6ey)) - An event that starts at 7:00 p.m. gives people time to finish their workday and come straight to your party or eat dinner before arriving. They also go home early, so you can do it on a weekday without feeling guilty. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1vgmtv39g9p880xsjcgbc6)) - Reduce your stress by setting expectations for when guests should leave. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1vjb20k2zg21rgpwnbm01n)) - Host your party in your own house or apartment because: • You’ll have more confidence in your own space. • You can control variables like noise levels and costs. • Your guests will appreciate you more because of how intimate and generous it feels. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1vkvcdeghr819wpchw9shb)) - Any time you host an event, always invite your core group first. These are your reliable and supportive friends and colleagues. They already know and like you. You can ask them for a favor or invite them to something without overthinking it. Because you already have a relationship, they’re likely to say yes to your invitation. Your core group will be an essential piece of your party puzzle. They’ll show up and make you look good. They’ll laugh at your jokes and be your party cheerleaders. They’re people with whom you feel comfortable. They’re also your support team and safety net. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1w2ev7bqgk1a99av9vpnxf)) - Try these ideas to create a core group when you don’t have one: • Join a local club for something you’re interested in, like volleyball, poker, or Toastmasters. • Look up event calendars on local media or Facebook groups to find interesting things to attend. • Volunteer with a charity or religious organization. • Attend Meetups (find them at [www.meetup.com](http://www.meetup.com)) especially for people who are new in town or looking to make friends. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1wc3jnzk232jeab9zrmknx)) - Follow these guidelines for picking who to invite to your first party: Do: invite friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, and their significant others. Don’t: invite important new relationships or critical work contacts. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1we31xavtz26dpf4hqjzq6)) - Do: invite new acquaintances who you would be excited to see again or continue a conversation with. Don’t: purely build a guest list based on “Who can I benefit from right now?” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1wgas342rdw2qjvzb3v7n7)) - • Make a list of “super connectors” in your town and invite one or two. This could include real estate agents, salespeople, fundraising staff at a nonprofit, and recruiters. These folks have huge networks and are often receptive to invitations to meet new people. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1wks4ra39wktc058bhpg8y)) - As you become more comfortable as a host, reach out to people who are less like yourself. When I throw a party, I focus on adding occupational diversity to my guest list. I invite friends who work in banking, dancing, and education in addition to those in museums, technology, and marketing. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq1wnnm4tz6c4jshpxh7dzvk)) - Collecting RSVPs drives better attendance by: • Reaffirming each person’s commitment to attend. • Getting them to make a social contract by announcing to others on the event page that they plan to attend. • Building social proof for the party by adding their name to the guest list. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4cy0cxmy00atejv8r1hbf7)) - Title your party “Cocktails and Icebreakers.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4cyg6zr7sy5g3cxsbp0d7t)) - Whether you choose the Beach Boys or another theme, play music that’s positive and uplifting yet still makes for good background sound. You want to fill the room with energy. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4dc2h5rbta5pp210paqnxy)) - Not all icebreakers are created equal. People often tell me they love icebreakers only to say that their favorite one is something dramatic like: “What’s your biggest fear?” or “What was the worst date you ever went on?” Those are terrible icebreakers. They require a deep level of vulnerability and openness. Most people aren’t ready for that at the start of a casual 2-hour cocktail party. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4ddcv8b4hpn31v972pt9vr)) - If you’re determined to vary the “What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?” question, here are three other options: • What was the first job that you ever got paid to do? • What was your first online screen name and why did you choose it? • What’s one of your favorite drinks, with or without alcohol? ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4det3nr50twer52fhkfhch)) - I want us to go around the circle and do a quick icebreaker so we can get a survey of who’s here. Say your name, what you do for work, and what one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast is. If you don’t want to talk about work, you can say something you’re passionate about instead—like a hobby or charity. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4dn9pg2xae4savss3eemst)) - 7:00 p.m. First guests begin to arrive. Awkward Zone. Warmly welcome. Delegate duties. 7:10 p.m. Icebreaker 1, beginner icebreaker for early arrivals: name, what you do for work, favorite breakfast. 7:15 p.m. Unstructured time begins. Awkward Zone ends. You’re doing great! 7:40 p.m. Icebreaker 2, beginner icebreaker again, but now with more people: name, what you do for work, favorite breakfast. 7:50 p.m. Unstructured time. Help guests mingle and make introductions. 8:20 p.m. Group photo. Then: icebreaker 3, advanced icebreaker. 8:30 p.m. Unstructured time. Help guests mingle and make introductions. 8:50 p.m. Announce party ending soon. 9:00 p.m. Party ends. Tell everyone you need your beauty rest and they can continue celebrating at a nearby bar or restaurant. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4drme0je32xj3rs891x27x)) - Have you ever attended a party and found yourself stuck talking to a person that you’re not particularly enjoying? Perhaps you felt it would be rude to end the conversation and walk away. Well, icebreakers will do that. They give everyone a great reason to move on from a conversation and then chat with someone new. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4dt5z9nfsay3dznnagrj3n)) - Do: be playful in your interruptions. Use your harmonica. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4dvqha15g3dtwr6fjy6j58)) - • What were your favorite parts of the party? • What went well? • What elements of the planning process were most helpful? • Which beverages and snacks were most and least popular?[14](#footnote-000) • Do you want to host again? • What do you want to improve upon? • Who else would you invite next time? ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gq4dxfsv8bw1fk4mm3gaj1qr)) ## New highlights added January 10, 2025 at 7:34 PM -  ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jh9kdc5tqsvsy90a4bccr6b2)) - Soon I make a playful little noise to bring the room to attention. I ask everyone to circle up and then quickly lead a round of icebreakers to make newcomers feel included. These icebreakers happen fast. Everyone goes around the room and says their name, a little about what they do during the day, and something else interesting or fun about themselves. After the icebreaker, the room comes alive as new conversations form. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jh9kvk242g1ba6jg52zxw5d2)) - My friend Steve decided to host his first party on one of the most heavyweight days of the year: New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Eve is like the World Championship of Parties. It’s not the night to throw a party unless you really know what you’re doing and plan well in advance. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jh9mqksbbvh9d22pa1d07ypw)) ## New highlights added January 11, 2025 at 8:50 AM - Write First Names Only Don’t use your guests’ surnames. Their first name is faster to write and easier to read. Use Large Capital Letters Your priority is legibility at a distance, not penmanship. Write names in block letters with a black marker. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jhayxhs1w65sxdkn6yey9qqp)) - Seven Days Before The first reminder is a short note that tells your guests you’re excited about the party and looking forward to seeing them. Send this message to people who have RSVP’d as well as to those who you haven’t heard back from. It’s a subtle calendar reminder and a hint to RSVP for those who haven’t done so yet. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jhb19z9teeyw9cxz6yr764ca)) - Subject: Party next week Hey everyone, ONE WEEK AWAY! The party is next week on Wednesday, June 8, 2022, from 7–9 p.m. It is shaping up to be lots of fun. Looking forward to seeing you all. As a reminder, here is the page you RSVP’d on: [EVENT LINK HERE] ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jhb1a5zdw0j7pnfgwa24axdh))