Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication - Vanessa Van Edwards  ## Metadata - Author: **Vanessa Van Edwards** - Full Title: Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication - Category: #books ## Highlights - Charisma is the combination of high warmth and high competence. WARMTH CUES: Tilting, Nodding, Eyebrow Raise, Savor Smiles, Touch, Mirroring. COMPETENCE CUES: Power Posture, Flexed Lid, Steeple, Explanatory Gestures, Palm Flash. CHARISMA CUES (Warmth + Competence): Leaning, Fronting, Anti-Blocking, Space Smarts, Gaze. DANGER ZONE (Low Warmth, Low Competence): Distancing, Self-Soothing, Blocking, Shame, Bothered Face. - THE BODY LANGUAGE OF LEADERS. WHEN TO USE FRONTING. ...signal respect and/or care. Make sure your torso is turned toward people who matter to you. Greet your boss with full fronting when they come through the office doors... PRINCIPLE: If you want someone to feel heard, accepted, and respected, turn toward them. And don't forget to front while seated. If someone down the conference table speaks up, rotate your chair and swivel your body to front them. - The control group, who was asked to lean back, didn't exhibit any increased activation at all. When we lean in, we literally feel more motivation. When we lean back, we lose motivation. Lean cues are powerfully charismatic nonverbal signals because they both communicate interest to others and trigger internal interest. - Split tests enable you to truly compare two versions of the same vari- (in this case, body posture) with thousands of visitors. Over a period of ninety days, 237,797 people went through the test. And . . . the open posture won by A LOT. Simply switching to the open posture increased the firm's website conversions by 5.4 percent! That might not sound like much, but in terms of web traffic conversions, it's phenomenal. It translates to thousands more email subscribers from one tiny cue change. Nonverbal cues don't just have an effect in situations where you are physically present. They also come across in your profile photos, web-site photos, social media photos, and marketing materials. Researchers asked professionals to rate videos of people speaking in a business setting. It didn't matter whether participants watched the videos on mute or with sound on. Everyone with crossed arms was rated as more distant - If you are highly warm, you have a strong desire to be liked. This can be good—you strive to be friendly and personable—but it can also be challenging. Highly warm folks are often people pleasers and struggle to say no. - In a groundbreaking study from Princeton University, researchers found that highly charismatic, likable, compelling people demonstrate a special blend of two specific traits: warmth and competence. It’s a simple formula: WARMTH CUES + COMPETENCE CUES = CHARISMA - My rule of thumb: Show three warmth cues in the first three minutes of an interaction. - Let's expand our Cues Chart to put these warm cues into action. CUE: Nodding DECODE: Do you notice who nods with you? Do you open up more with them? ENCODE: Try a slow triple nod when you next want someone to open up. INTERNALIZE: When you're with a non-nodder, do you worry they aren't in agreement with you? CUE: Tilting DECODE: Try to spot three head tilts in your next few conversations. What did someone want to hear more about? ENCODE: Try tilting next time you have to deliver hard or bad news. INTERNALIZE: How does it feel when someone shows you a head tilt? Do you feel more open when you head tilt? CUE: Eyebrow Raise DECODE: Try to spot three eyebrow raises in your next few conversations. What intrigued someone? ENCODE: Try an eyebrow raise upon greeting. Then try one when you hear something interesting. INTERNALIZE: How do you feel when you eyebrow raise? Try a fast one and a slow one. Find your ideal speed. CUE: Smiling DECODE: See if you can spot a fake smile in an interaction. Then try to understand why you didn't get a real one. ENCODE: Try to show no fake smiles in the next week. Smile only when you mean it. INTERNALIZE: Do you feel more authentic when you only stick to real smiles? Do you wish you had more reasons to smile? CUE: Touch DECODE: Think of the three people you see most. What are their touch maps? ENCODE: What's your touch map? INTERNALIZE: What kind of touch makes you uncomfortable? Who makes you uncomfortable when they touch you? Set up boundaries. CUE: Mirroring DECODE: Who mirrors you most? Least? ENCODE: Try mirroring with someone you like. Try mirroring with someone you don't. Does it feel different? INTERNALIZE: Does mirroring make you feel more in sync with someone? Or does it distract you? Only use mirroring if it feels good to you. - Steepling: Try to steeple in at least three different situations—maybe on a video call, with a friend, or in a meeting. You decide if it works for you! Explanatory Gestures: Try to add more purposeful gestures to your elevator pitch. It's enough to find a few gestures you like and then keep it natural. Palm Flashing: Do you use the palm flash? Try to do three this week. Find the palm flashes that work for you. - Master non-verbal cues with the Decode-Encode-Internalize protocol. Decode: Observe cues like power posture and lower lid flex in others. Encode: Actively practice these cues to project confidence and curiosity. Internalize: Audit which situations and cues build your confidence versus anxiety, then consciously choose the former. (Wealth, Love) --- VERBATIM CHART --- CUE: Power Posture. DECODE: Do you notice certain people get smaller around you? Bigger? ENCODE: Try standing a few inches wider. Try rolling your shoulders down. Do you feel more confident? INTERNALIZE: Do certain people, places, or topics make you contract in anxiety? Expand in confidence? Stick to what gives you confidence. CUE: Lower Lid Flex. DECODE: Try to spot three lower lid flexes in your conversations or media. What were they trying to understand better? ENCODE: Try a lower lid flex to encourage someone. INTERNALIZE: When you use the lower lid flex, does it make you feel more curious or more judgmental? Try to keep it positive. - WARMTH CUES - Tilting - Nodding - Eyebrow Raise - Savor Smiles - Touch - Mirroring COMPETENCE CUES - Power Posture - Flexed Lid - Steeple - Explanatory Gestures - Palm Flash CHARISMA CUES - Fronting - Anti-Blocking - Leaning - Space Smarts - Gaze