# NON ESCALATOR RELATIONSHIP MENU {{date}} **This tool is meant as a discussion aid to allow individuals in a relationship to identify and discuss their personal desires and relationship expectations.** - [ ] **MUST HAVE** - [ ] **LIKE TO HAVE** - [ ] **MAYBE** - [ ] **OFF LIMITS** _Add, alter, and remove menu items as needed to make the tool work for you and your relationships. Remember that this is a discussion aid and only the start of a conversation. Revisit the menu as needed when circumstances or relationships change._ --- ## COMMITMENT - [ ] Marriage - [ ] Pregnancy/children together - [ ] Coparenting children from other partnerships - [ ] Sharing pet(s) - [ ] Having a key - [ ] Cohabitation - [ ] Some ownership - [ ] Prioritization over other partners - [ ] Relationship labels - [ ] Planning for future - [ ] Expectation of long-term involvement - [ ] Commitment to working through challenges - [ ] Commitment to relationship maintenance - [ ] Power of attorney/wills - [ ] Support through health challenges --- ## EMOTIONAL INTIMACY - [ ] Expressing happiness and joy - [ ] Offering support in hard times - [ ] Sharing vulnerable feelings - [ ] Saying "I love you" - [ ] Sharing stories about past - [ ] Sharing hopes for future - [ ] Knowing personal likes/dislikes (e.g., favorite foods) - [ ] Using pet names - [ ] Sharing about mental health challenges - [ ] Supporting mental health work --- ## SOCIAL INTEGRATION - [ ] Meeting metamours (partners' other partners) - [ ] Meeting children - [ ] Meeting parents/siblings/extended family - [ ] Meeting friends - [ ] Spending time as a couple with friends/family - [ ] Positive relationships with metamours - [ ] Serving as +1 for social events - [ ] Presenting as a couple in public settings - [ ] Following on social media - [ ] Presenting as a couple on social media - [ ] Presenting as a couple in professional settings - [ ] Joint vacations with family/metamours --- ## COMMUNICATION - [ ] Daily or frequent check-ins - [ ] Texting - [ ] Phone / video calls - [ ] Discussing work and hobbies - [ ] Discussing family, partners, relationships - [ ] Discussing politics and current events - [ ] Ability to express disagreements or hurt feelings - [ ] Ability to address and resolve conflict - [ ] Radical honesty --- ## PHYSICAL INTIMACY - [ ] Physical affection - [ ] PDA (Public Displays of Affection) - [ ] Compatible sex drives - [ ] Sexual chemistry - [ ] Orgasms - [ ] Kissing - [ ] Oral sex - [ ] Manual sex (fingering) - [ ] Mutual masturbation - [ ] Penetration/PIV - [ ] Using sex toys - [ ] Condom/barrier use - [ ] Regular STI testing - [ ] Kinky stuff - [ ] Threesomes or group sex --- ## QUALITY TIME - [ ] Regularly scheduled time together - [ ] Date nights - [ ] Spending the night - [ ] Shared hobbies or activities - [ ] Vacations together as a couple - [ ] Calendar management/scheduling initiation --- ## FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT - [ ] Shared bank accounts - [ ] Mutual contributions to vacation/activity fund - [ ] Financial support - [ ] Large gifts - [ ] Complete financial integration --- ## AUTONOMY - [ ] Balance of time together and apart - [ ] Support to pursue independent interests - [ ] Maintaining independent friendships - [ ] Maintaining independent romantic relationships - [ ] Equal distribution of relationship power - [ ] Alone time #relationships