# NON ESCALATOR RELATIONSHIP MENU {{date}}
**This tool is meant as a discussion aid to allow individuals in a relationship to identify and discuss their personal desires and relationship expectations.**
- [ ] **MUST HAVE**
- [ ] **LIKE TO HAVE**
- [ ] **MAYBE**
- [ ] **OFF LIMITS**
_Add, alter, and remove menu items as needed to make the tool work for you and your relationships. Remember that this is a discussion aid and only the start of a conversation. Revisit the menu as needed when circumstances or relationships change._
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## COMMITMENT
- [ ] Marriage
- [ ] Pregnancy/children together
- [ ] Coparenting children from other partnerships
- [ ] Sharing pet(s)
- [ ] Having a key
- [ ] Cohabitation
- [ ] Some ownership
- [ ] Prioritization over other partners
- [ ] Relationship labels
- [ ] Planning for future
- [ ] Expectation of long-term involvement
- [ ] Commitment to working through challenges
- [ ] Commitment to relationship maintenance
- [ ] Power of attorney/wills
- [ ] Support through health challenges
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## EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
- [ ] Expressing happiness and joy
- [ ] Offering support in hard times
- [ ] Sharing vulnerable feelings
- [ ] Saying "I love you"
- [ ] Sharing stories about past
- [ ] Sharing hopes for future
- [ ] Knowing personal likes/dislikes (e.g., favorite foods)
- [ ] Using pet names
- [ ] Sharing about mental health challenges
- [ ] Supporting mental health work
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## SOCIAL INTEGRATION
- [ ] Meeting metamours (partners' other partners)
- [ ] Meeting children
- [ ] Meeting parents/siblings/extended family
- [ ] Meeting friends
- [ ] Spending time as a couple with friends/family
- [ ] Positive relationships with metamours
- [ ] Serving as +1 for social events
- [ ] Presenting as a couple in public settings
- [ ] Following on social media
- [ ] Presenting as a couple on social media
- [ ] Presenting as a couple in professional settings
- [ ] Joint vacations with family/metamours
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## COMMUNICATION
- [ ] Daily or frequent check-ins
- [ ] Texting
- [ ] Phone / video calls
- [ ] Discussing work and hobbies
- [ ] Discussing family, partners, relationships
- [ ] Discussing politics and current events
- [ ] Ability to express disagreements or hurt feelings
- [ ] Ability to address and resolve conflict
- [ ] Radical honesty
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## PHYSICAL INTIMACY
- [ ] Physical affection
- [ ] PDA (Public Displays of Affection)
- [ ] Compatible sex drives
- [ ] Sexual chemistry
- [ ] Orgasms
- [ ] Kissing
- [ ] Oral sex
- [ ] Manual sex (fingering)
- [ ] Mutual masturbation
- [ ] Penetration/PIV
- [ ] Using sex toys
- [ ] Condom/barrier use
- [ ] Regular STI testing
- [ ] Kinky stuff
- [ ] Threesomes or group sex
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## QUALITY TIME
- [ ] Regularly scheduled time together
- [ ] Date nights
- [ ] Spending the night
- [ ] Shared hobbies or activities
- [ ] Vacations together as a couple
- [ ] Calendar management/scheduling initiation
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## FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
- [ ] Shared bank accounts
- [ ] Mutual contributions to vacation/activity fund
- [ ] Financial support
- [ ] Large gifts
- [ ] Complete financial integration
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## AUTONOMY
- [ ] Balance of time together and apart
- [ ] Support to pursue independent interests
- [ ] Maintaining independent friendships
- [ ] Maintaining independent romantic relationships
- [ ] Equal distribution of relationship power
- [ ] Alone time
#relationships