Thanks https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets # Sexy Contexts **Think of a positive sexual experience from your past. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:** --- **Now consider what aspects of that experience made it positive:** ### Category Description #### Mental and physical wellbeing - Physical health - Body image - Mood - Anxiety - Distractibility - Worry about sexual functioning - Other #### Partner characteristics - Physical appearance - Physical health - Smell - Mental state - Other #### Relationship characteristics - Trust - Power dynamic - Emotional connection - Feeling desired - Frequency of sex #### Setting - Private/public - At home, work, vacation etc - Distance sex (phone, chat, etc) - See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work #### Other life circumstances - Work-related stress - Family-related stress - Holiday, anniversary, “occasion - Things you do #### Self-guided fantasy - Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) - Body parts that were touched or not - Oral sex on you/ on partner - Intercourse, etc #### Other --- # Not-So-Sexy Contexts **Think of a not-so-great sexual experience from your past – not necessarily a terrible one, just a not-so-great one. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:** --- **Now consider what aspects of that experience made it not-so-great:** ### Category Description #### Mental and physical wellbeing - Physical health - Body image - Mood - Anxiety - Distractibility - Worry about sexual functioning - Other #### Partner characteristics - Physical appearance - Physical health - Smell - Mental state - Other #### Relationship characteristics - Trust - Power dynamic - Emotional connection - Feeling desired - Frequency of sex #### Setting - Private/public - At home, work, vacation etc - Distance sex (phone, chat, etc) - See partner do something positive, like interact with family or do work #### Other life circumstances - Work-related stress - Family-related stress - Holiday, anniversary, “occasion - Things you do #### Self-guided fantasy - Partner-guided fantasy (“talking dirty”) - Body parts that were touched or not - Oral sex on you/ on partner - Intercourse, etc #### Other --- # Sexual Cues Assessment **Read through all your sexy and not-so-sexy contexts. What do you notice as reliable contexts for great sex, and reliable contexts for not-so-great sex?** | Contexts that Make Sex Great | Contexts that Make Sex Not-So-Great | |------------------------------|-------------------------------------| | | | **Identify 5 things you and/or your partner could hypothetically do, if you decided to work toward creating more frequent and easier access to the contexts that improve your sexual functioning:** | Things to do | How much impact? | How easy? | How soon can you do it? | |--------------|------------------|-----------|-------------------------| | 1 | | | | | 2 | | | | | 3 | | | | | 4 | | | | | 5 | | | | **Then select the two or maybe three that feel like the right combination of impact, ease, and immediacy, and list all the things that would have to happen in order for this change to occur. Be as CONCRETE AND SPECIFIC as you can. These should be ACTIONS, rather than abstractions or ideas or attitudes. Ask yourself, “If we decide to create this change, what goes on our To Do list?** | Change 1: | Change 2: | Change 3: | |-----------|-----------|-----------| **Then select just one change that you will actually implement. Choose a start date together that feels like good timing. Ideally this will be within the next month. Make your plan. And do it.** Selected Change: Start Date: