Thanks https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets # Turning Off the Offs The exercise below is designed to help you create a practical plan for "turning off the offs" in four steps. The research suggests it's most effective when you repeat it each day, but you might try doing it weekly, and even going through the exercise just once would be great! ## 1. Identify Your Brakes Review your "Contexts" worksheets from Chapter 3, where you identify the contexts that hit your brakes and the contexts that activate your accelerator. > **Hint:** The more concrete and specific you are, the more useful this will be! ## 2. Select a Potential Strategy As you look at this list of potential targets for change, select one you feel might be something you could change if you decided to try turning off the offs. Identify 5 steps you and/or your partner could hypothetically take if you decided to use this potential strategy: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. ## 3. Envision the Changes Think about what it would feel like to identify as a warm and erotic woman who is curious and playful about sex… What is it like? What else is true? ## 4. Anticipate Barriers - **What is the biggest obstacle to your goal?** - **Where and when – specifically – will this obstacle occur?** - **What can you do to prevent this obstacle?** - **What specifically will you do to get back to the goal when this obstacle happens?** --- ### Questions to Consider 1. What strategies would you use to create more time for sex? 2. What would give you more energy for sex? 3. What aspects of your relationship would enhance sex? 4. What challenges in your relationship would you overcome? 5. What would your relationship with your body be like? 6. How you would initiate sex? 7. How would you respond when your partner initiated? 8. What sexual cues would you notice? 9. What kind of thoughts would you have about sex? 10. How you feel about your partner's sexual arousal, desire, and orgasm? 11. How would you feel about your own desire, arousal, and orgasm? 12. How would you feel about giving pleasure? 13. How you feel about receiving pleasure? 14. How you would manage the cultural shaming that some people would try to impose on you for being empowered and in control of your own body. 15. What would be your favorite thing about your sexuality? --- #### Examples - I can lose myself in my partner’s touch and experience pleasure in the moment, without worrying about orgasm. - I would think about the sexy and romantic interludes I’ve shared with my partner and let that build up my desire. - I want sex whether we’re arguing or not. - All the doors and windows are open on my sexuality - I’m a big exuberant YES. - I won’t let anything get in the way of pleasure. - I would allow myself to want what I want and not judge it. - Exploring my sexuality is more exciting than scary. - I would turn to sex and pleasure in times of distress. - Sex isn’t separate from the rest of my life - it’s a part of my life, and my life is a part of it. - There’s no pressure to be or do anything that is just 100% of what feels right to me.