The Psychology of Romantic Love: Romantic Love in an Anti-Romantic Age

Stories of passionate love relationships between men and women exist throughout our literature and are a treasured part of our cultural heritage. The great love affairs of Lancelot and Guinevere, Héloïse and Abelard, Romeo and Juliet live for us as symbols of physical passion and spiritual devotion. But such stories are tragedies—and tragedies of a very revealing kind.

The definition of romantic love offered in the Introduction—a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other’s person contains all of these elements, and their importance will become more and more apparent as we proceed. (View Highlight)

Of the various factors that are vital for the success of romantic love, none is more important than self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is the love affair with ourselves. Only then are we ready for other love relationships. (View Highlight)

Romantic love is for grown-ups; it is not for children. It is not for children in a literal sense, and also in a psychological sense: not for those who, regardless of age, still experience themselves as children. (View Highlight)

Romantic-love relationships are made or broken by the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of communication. The essence of mutual self-disclosure is communication. And no element of communication is more important to romantic love than that of feelings and emotions. (View Highlight)